Why playing it cool may be keeping you single…

Another classic ‘me moment’ on the plane home from Mexico this week….

In an attempt to read my magazine, I manically tried to twist my reading light on, announcing it’s not working. The beautiful woman next to me gives me a look like, “are you a dim wit?” and hits the button above the light for me. My light goes on, I laugh awkwardly. I get ‘that look’ from her… a look I’ve gotten most my life for dumb things like that. It’s a quality I used to loathe about myself.

Why can’t I be smooth with things? Or why do I always lose stuff? Or why do I always spill things? I’m a mess! If you were to have a meal with me you’d be completely confused as to how a pile of crumbs, some soy sauce, and a weird noodle have surrounded my plate. But in 45 minutes it has happened. I’m a liability. A lovable one, but a liability.


Very early on in life, I decided this was a quality I must try and disguise. Which P.S. isn’t easy, but hide I would try. Which brings me to the wonderful world of dating.

I will not be this clumsy, sometimes ditzy, forgetful, messy girl. I will be “a cool chick.”

What is a “cool chick?”

You like sports.
You can hang with the guys.
You don’t complain.
You’re down for whatever.
You cook.
You’re organized
Blah blah..

The list goes on…So, I became this facade. I attracted lots of people with this wonderful person. The only problem: It wasn’t me. You can only keep up appearances for so long before people realize who you really are. When these people would start to reject those little quirks about me, I began to feel really bad about them so my cool mask got thicker.. Until my first date with Rich…

Rich, handsome British actor. Very cool. My goal, be charming “cool chick” Rachel.

The date begins with me opening the car door into my head. Like really hard, people!

Rich, in his adorable British accent: “Did you just open the door into your head??”
(yes – you are right in thinking he should have opened the door for me, but that’s a topic for another day…)

I laughed it off. As we drove to dinner, I felt my head swell. I casually open the car mirror, realizing the bump on my head is severely swelling to the size of an egg.

blogentry-5962-099837600 1284903903

I think maybe a side bang will help. Nope.

Me: ”We’ve got  problem.”

Rich pulls over and looks at my head, “We need to get you some ice!”

Rich runs into 7-11 and returns with Ice, and a Pokemon toy. He’s laughing. I’m being self-deprecating.

Cut to trendy LA dinner with my egg forehead growth, that damn Pokemon toy getting stuck in my hair (don’t ask), to ending the date losing my wallet.

I was mortified.

Now this is classic ‘me.’ For that to be his first impression… I truly wanted to die.

But it turns out, Rich thought: She’s charming, funny, genuine, relatable, and fun company. He thought all my little mishaps eased the pressure of the first date. Not only that, he was head over heels for silly, ditzy, klutz ball, me.

Rich and I are getting married June 8. He calls my quirks “being a muffin.” My friends have adopted it. It makes me laugh.

That’s not all that I am either. I’m a smart, intuitive, kind and loyal human. I’m also all those other things. To love me, is to love all that stuff too.

So show up as who you are from the beginning. If you show up as the ‘too cool’ version of yourself, you might completely turn away the person that will love

‘perfect you.’

Masks are for Woosies…yep I just used the word Woosie….so strip it off and see what happens.


I hold a very fun dating workshop monthly for women (wine and cheese included) July and Aug in LA. Sept in Denver. Email me for more info. rachelcoaching@outlook.com

One thought on “Why playing it cool may be keeping you single…

  1. I love that blog my love! Am bringing my friends to your woosie workshop in September. Am I aloud to come even though I am not dating?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s